Thursday 17 July 2014

very much fana in a bubble

I have been meaning to write this for a while now but here goes.

SO the other day I was sick, as in cold/flu/or whatever form of illness that makes you absolutely dysfunctional because you have a constant headache, absolutely blocked nose and a state of mind that is up for only one thing sleep! After a couple of days of suffering with no improvement my mom forces me into a room set with a steamer and a towel and shuts the door. She even took my mobile phone away, considering that I am of age this deed seem like a violation of my freedom. Nevertheless I was forced to take steam and thats when this stream of thought just kept going

So i am face down in the steamer exposed to very hot prickling sensation covered with a towel and I am thinking, "This is like a bubble, my very own isolated spot where I am forced to sit due to circumstantial issues and while I may have had various things to do at this very moment I am kind of glad that I am in this bubble right now and I know its good for me" this is when I started to draw comparison of undergoing the process of steaming to the feeling one reportedly (reportedly as in I have never experienced it but apparently all accounts that I have read or heard of tell similar stories) gets during the process of meditation unleashing the kundalini shakty or whatever arabic name we might want to give I think I will stick with fana. 

I am starting to think in this very bubble that I am right now, I am alone, submerged in hot now not so prickly whiff of water turned gas. I am enjoying this sensation, its finally helping me breathe a bit, finally clearing my head a little and while I am barely aware of what is outside that bubble, if i put my mind to it i can be all continuous about it. It was in this moment when my daughter just walked into the house after her excursion to the park and i could make out her voice though fumbled and I could hear her footsteps approaching the room I am locked in. Suddenly, I find myself in a situation where while a part of me wants to call her out to come in so i can hug her and ask her how her trip to the park was another part of me is telling me to stay put and keep taking in the steam as this can wait. My consciousness exists at two planes now, one much earthy while the other somewhere else lost in all the vapors around me and thats when it got a bit freakly similar to what I have mentioned earlier.

I started reflecting upon how even when I knew the steam would be the best thing i could do to myself in such sickness i kept procrastinating it trying to find other means of getting better or just complaining how miserable i felt all this time knowing all i needed was the good old vapor machine. Isnt that what we do? when we know our solutions remain in divine we keep filling our lives with promising but not delivering alternatives? sometimes, too busy to sit still and reflect and other times to pretentious to put the label of religious on our selves. But all this time knowing the ultimate solution lies somewhere else, somewhere very close to us, not so pleasant and easy to go through but definitely promising in terms of outcome.

Until, we are forced by circumstances to just do it, circumstances that even take away your mobile phones the ultimate attraction. And once submerged, we start looking at the world from within our very own bubble still there but barely there. Your mind being able to focus-defocus as per its own bearings. You are still very much in the world but not really there only until the steam gets too much to handle, its starts scorching you again and you are suddenly reminded that its time to go back to the world. You flip the towel to find the world that is still the same but you have changed, a little less headache, a clearer respiration and a longing to go back to that warm place that was your bubble.