Thursday 24 November 2016

New Canvas

Starting a new life; its exciting, its exhilarating but most of all its intimidating as shit. Its been a while since I have last written and while there have been moments in last month and a half when I have almost thought I should start a new blog and call it moving to Australia, I don’t really think I can get myself up for it. It would be fun though, to record all the hilarity, confusion and struggles even for small things such as choosing a new brand of tea can be like.

Too many firsts despite this not being my first time moving out and starting over. All through it all whats fascinating is how two people that are both me, but both so different coexist side by side, constantly rattling within one body. One, which keeps pushing for how great this is, how exciting to start on a clean canvas, lets paint it bold, lets run around in the wilderness, lets enjoy what you have gotten yourself into, yes its scary but that’s the fun of it. Lets walk the path shrouded by greens everywhere, deserted and oh so beautiful just coz of that. And another; hesitant, intimidated; wanting to curl back into the comfort zone of what is known and safe and (and this really sucks) is missing.

While them two bicker, I feel a third me constantly going through a fr
eeze burn. Being high and being low all at the same time. Oh but this isn’t the first time I have felt this way, not knowing its place in the world, the wandering soul keeps wandering, keeps exploring, always abandoning the safe zones and then missing them terribly. But there is beauty in this pain, a beauty which like mirage of freedom is too tempting to not attempt. Freeze burn…. Ouch! Wow... But... Dark… Strangers are scary… Perhaps until they become acquaintances… perhaps even after that. Wanderlust…. Awe. Home…. Freeze burn …. .. .. ouch!