Let it go? or keep holding on...

As parent I constantly struggle with an urge to somehow show, emphasize and even prove (to myself, as well as the world) how my child is unique, different from the lot, very special... do you recognise the feeling? vicious cycle of the desire for them to be different, followed by dread that I expect too much, followed by the judgement that I am no better than the parents constantly judged by good Hindi films wanting their kids to become only doctors and engineers leading them to live lives of great wealth and no meaning? maybe its just me.... but I swear everytime i meet a child whose name I cannot pronounce my heart jumps with joy for finding a comrade...

Normally I behave well within the normality curve..., I enjoy her watching cartoons like Tom and Jerry without raising eyebrows about the violence within, Doremon despite its possibility of ruining her chances at awesome spoken Urdu and premature understanding of boy-girl relationship dynamics. I spoil her with a sugar treat pretty much everyday, still feed her with my hands and let her have a tablet... I am guilty of doing pretty much everything listed in the new guide to bad parenting for kids with super potential!

But frozen strikes a different chord. Its so out there, its so commercial that everytime my daughter picks something with Elsa or Anna on it I just cant help but shake my head at the power of market economy in influencing my 5 year old's choices in life. Everyone has Elsa shoes, and Anna dress and a pencil with frozen characters and a nightdress with Olaf and this and that and having to listen to "let it go all" the time in the car... (i am starting to rant)

So only yesterday, I opened my daughter's school library bag and found a book with Elsa and Anna on it! my first reaction (out loud too), "why did you bring a frozen book?, we know the story!!! you could have picked something else, something more meaningful" and she said, "but I wanted to read Elsa Anna story so I got this one"

Reluctantly I opened the book and started to read, "When you and I were little, we were close as we could be. I was happy you were Anna, you were thrilled that I was me."

And we had a chat about rhyme, picked be and me, brought in other worlds like jack and mack

then we read on and the book talked about the story of Elsa and Anna, yet again from a fresh perspective. It talked about how Elsa and Anna were different, one calculated another wearing her heart on her sleeve, one organised another clumsy and how in their difference they both hoped to have a sister that was more like themselves. Life would have been so much easier for them if they were alike... but then they recognised all the ways they complimented each other because of their differences, something they were only able to see when they both acknowledged the love they had for each other.

I was blown away towards the end of it... i was sold to the narrative once again despite the capitalistic reality of the frozen brand. Or perhaps I was blown away more because of that. I am scared of the power Frozen brand has on my daughter who often wants to buy all things Elsa, but in its shadow I marvel at the power Elsa and more importantly Anna can have on forming her person. Feminism and rethinking truelove undertones evidently and elaborately discussed but about difference? what of accepting the other, such a wonderful narrative to discuss the idea of difference as a point of dissatisfaction, conflict but yet a point of complementarity once you acknowledge the other with love... is it a lesson in relationship management? multiculturism?  accepting contradiction within oneself? battle of heart and mind? helping kids make sense of why their folks argue and then make up? helping her see Anna's magic was greater for her magic was to come forward and accept vulnerability and continue to show love?

I dont know how many of these ideas I will be able to touch... but I do promise myself that for the next whole week, this book is rented from school in her name, we are reading it everyday. And talking about it everyday!

I continue to fear brand frozen, but I shouldnt let its story go... its normal for her to love Elsa and Anna for everyone loves them and maybe in the process of acknowledging that love she will aspire to be open to many ideas of a more balanced society they have to offer....            

The book itself "A sister more like me" by Barbara Jean Hicks

7 things we should be thankful to Exams for...

One awesome thing that I am required to do as a full time teacher is to sit through hours of nerve wreaking boredom that exam invigilation brings with it! Anyway here I am after 2.5 (which feel more like 25) hrs of not doing anything but staring at a group of students taking their final exams with a fellow teacher. My only job there is to ensure that they mind their own exam paper and not others. Watching them write frantically looking up every now and then to glance at the wall clock and act as if the final hour of doom is approaching I keep telling myself, "whoever said time is relative was absolutely right."

Anyway so after what felt like eternity, I am done with my duty, I hand over the collected papers at the examination office and take the stairs down to my office. On my way I cant resist overhearing students that sat in my class discuss a particular accounting question and how one girl had gotten the answer wrong. As she does the usual, "array yaar" business around it one of the boys comments, "If you had sat at the back with us all you would have too gotten it right". I look up to him as hes caught mid sentence realizing a second too late who was passing by.

I am torn between what to do and I end up pretending I heard nothing as I see him making that awkward face we all Pakistanis make when caught red handed for a crime we consider to be too small to be a crime really.

For the rest of the day however I couldn't help but think about how I should thank exams or perhaps more appropriately thank how exams are often conducted for undoing so many things we teachers try to do throughout the term. With the power of marks/numbers/grades behind them this great tool called exam teaches our students so much more about learning and the approach to it than what I can.

So, as i marvel at the student's ability to elude me rather than marveling at what they have learned during the term I thought i might as well write this post for my fellow teachers as "x number of things they should thank the idea of examination and the way its usually conducted in our academic scene"

1. We should thank exams for teaching our students that dishonesty is great specially when marks are involved.
(be it a sign language created for MCQ confirmation, to one's ability to look at teacher in the eye and act so genuinely surprised when pointed out for cheating that the teacher starts having self doubt...)

2. We should thank exams for making students believe that the outcome is more important than the process
(an therefore, if they got the answer right the means with which they got it wont matter)

3. We should thank the exam for helping students develop an understanding that a momentary reproduction of knowledge is a greater goal than internalizing and evaluating what they have been exposed to

4. We should thank the exams for making our kids look at us as not people who genuinely care about their growth, development and learning but as tricksters who try their hardest to create confusion and chaos in their otherwise uncomplicated lives

5. We should thank exams to help emphasize the importance of one right answer, written in one particular way, hand written in pretty writing over a standard word count.

6. We should thank exams for ensuring that out students understand that time will always be against them and the champion is not the one who takes his time but instead one who masters that time by doing it the fastest

and kind of all of this together 

7. We should thank exams as being the unyielding part of the system of education that manages to somehow disseminate knowledge without really teaching at all... a system that sees mistake in inability to demonstrate knowing rather than seeing mistake in how knowledge was arrived at

Haram kamai halaal ghost all over again...

Early Morning Jibber-Jabber

I thought I will be able to see the sun rising from here, I guess not. My flat on the fifth floor I thought was high enough to give me a nice view of the sun rising with the rest of the buildings in the vicinity being short but all I saw was hues of blue and some pink and there it was the day turning on like a light bulb. Why do I vividly remember being able to see the sun popping out when I was younger? Was it my childhood imagination or is it that the nature has also decided what a waste of effort it is to inspire someone from this city. A city where the biggest miracle of life has lost its value, becoming part of everyday collateral damage why would the sun bestow its grace? Oh but it scorches throughout the day being right there all gold and blazing hot? Then why not unveil its serenity in the gentle delicate manner in the hours of day when people wake either because they to get inspired, are too disturbed or parent a child too young to have a predictable sleep schedule. Which one am I? Why was I seeking the sun? I guess I don’t know but latter sure was the reason why I woke up in the first place the prior perhaps why I couldn’t go back to sleep.